


Hidden Within the Passage of Time

by textrain



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Dark, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, M/M, Masturbation, Multiple Pairings, Multiple Relationships, Murder, Past Relationship(s), Vaginal Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-09-14 18:01:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9197279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/textrain/pseuds/textrain
Summary: Barry alters the timeline and pays the price for greed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will be an ongoing story based after the events of Flashpoint. I will also be updating my other works within the next couple of weeks.

In the empty streets of 23rd and Franklin, a young man spins round in a frantic and hopeless parody of happiness. Arms spread out like a bird prepared for flight, head tilted towards the blackened sky, the man laughs while tears of bitter mirth roll down ruddy cheeks. It was too much, the building pressure of this deep uncontrollable pain. The swell of hope and happiness that he had only mere hours before had been ripped away in a single moment of selfish want. He had it all, his dream had finally come true. She had been back, his beautiful mother. Not only that, but his recently murdered father had been alive and well.

It was everything he had wanted, or so it had seemed. However it couldn’t possibly be enough, too much had been lost to arrive there. He wanted more, he deserved more. However, that wasn’t for him to decide. Now his hopes were all gone, and he was stuck in the original timeline which would now be filled with unknown consequence. The world of his dreams was just a forgery, and he was forced back to the life he had been so eager to leave. The aftermath of failure.

_I will take away everything that you love, Flash._

The man laughs harder as a rumble shakes the sky overhead, laughs even as his body begins to curl onto itself, his knees shaking as he sinks to the cold road. Broken chunks of concrete scrape against thin hands as he struggles to hold himself up. One last tormented laugh is pulled from his mouth, and then there is only silence. Limbs begin to tighten painfully, and then it seems like this body is not his own. That these arms and legs are not real, phantoms. The man begins to feel like he is watching outside of himself, just a spectator of this raw anguish. This monumental fuckup.

There doesn’t seem to be enough air to draw into his lungs, he can’t breathe. He won’t breathe, he doesn't want to breathe. Not really, not after what he was forced to do. But the will of life holds steady, and air rushes into his abused lungs.

_So what will we call this timeline that you’ve damned us to?_

Eyes clench tightly as a broken sob penetrates the stillness of the world around him, and long fingers dig painfully against the rough ground as choked gasps and a steadily growing wail comes from the beaten down man. His heart pounds erratically, and muscles burn like acid. Bruises sting painfully along his sides as he bends closer to the ground, his forehead now touching the concrete.

_How far you have fallen, Mr. Allen._

A single light momentarily penetrates through the clouds above, the moons light casting abstract shadows on the cracked ground around the distraught man. A monstrous cry escapes parted lips, and green eyes crackle with building power. Overhead the sky rumbles loudly in threat right before the first sudden decent of rain begins to pat against the earth. Quickly the cold rain penetrates through the broken man's jeans and thin white cotton t-shirt. It feels as if hours have passed before he can really breathe, can feel his arms and legs become his own once again. Even more time passes before he begins to feel the cold.

_Control. Control yourself, Barry. This isn't some game, lives are on the line._

The world no longer seems so lifeless and false. This is his here and now, this is the becoming of his future. His time is now, and his past no longer has any hold. He can no longer take from that night over fifteen years ago, he could no longer go back to that one point in time and hope to change things for the better. This moment was an absolute within his timeline. He has to live with this, this is his life.

_I don't think I can do this anymore._

_You can do this, Barry._

_But I'm not fast enough, I'll never be able to catch my mothers killer._

_I believe in you. Why can't you believe in yourself? What is it that you're afraid of?_

_That more people I love will die!_

_Is that all you’re afraid of, Barry?_

He had changed the past twice tonight. The world had suffered immensely from the first change. Now he weeps after the second change, the reoccurrence of his greatest tragedy. Once more he had to relive the past in order to correct the irreversible torment he lives with. The Flash had to become the man he is now, the sacrifice had to be made. The timeline would not budge, the future would not be realized if he had what he wanted so dearly. His mother had to die once again. This time her blood was not only on the hands of the man in yellow, but also on his own.

_You have to go back and change this, everything you see here is a mirage. A lie._

No, tonight Barry Allen had chosen to save his past self from his current torment, he had chosen to take back what was taken from him. Tonight he had changed the world he currently lived, into the one he had truly desired. He had thrown everything he had come to cherish, all of his accomplishments, all of his failures, his tragedies, his relationships, his complete way of life to the turbulent winds of time. The chance to become normal, to live without the pain of his parents murders had been too tempting. Unfortunately, as soon as he had a small taste of that way of life he was forced to give it all away once more.

_Destiny calls, Flash._

One moment fifteen years ago had become the catalyst point of his origin. This single moment was the determining factor of Barry’s future, what made him the person he was now. The night that the Reverse Flash had taken away his family had changed everything. In a blur of red and yellow, his mother was murdered and his father was incarcerated for a murder he had never committed.

A man who was faster than the eye could see, now that was really something. As a child, all Barry could see was a monster. Now he knows it was an enraged man attempting to gain back his own future from a speedster not unlike himself. The Reverse flash had been there to kill Barry as a child, and he had failed. The older man was out to kill a helpless child who may not have ever come to grow as the Flash, a speedster from a future that was still to be determined through the passage of time. This man wanted a life for a life. Retaliation for something that had not yet been committed. The Reverse Flash had wanted to save himself from the pain of his own past by changing his future. Their future.

_Repent, repent for what you have done._

_But what have I done?_

Eobard Thawne, the man in yellow, his rival and nemesis, had taken Barry’s life away. Eobard had taken, and then proceeded to watch and control everything within his large span of influence, had coerced and manipulated Barry to become the hero that the reverse had so fervently feared. Eobard had created the Flash, had built Barry up just so he had the satisfaction of one day seeing him burn in a sick moment of revenge. In the body of Harrison Wells, Eobard had become Barry’s mentor.

_I wanted to become you, I wanted to become the Flash._

Over a short period of time Barry had himself a much needed confidant, a voice of reason. Eobard had wormed himself deep into the heart of Barry, and what he later realized was that tragically his enemy had become a friend, a person he came to trust. It still hurts to think about how close his enemy had battled his way in, how deep they plunged into each others worlds. It hurts to think about how complicated things had become.

_I have come to care for you, Barry. However, even after fifteen years, I still hate who you will become. I hate what you will do to me, what you will take from me._

It had taken several months for Barry to discover that something was off about his trusted friend. Once the deception had become apparent he was shocked and sickened by how easily he fell into the older man’s hands. Yet, he was still unable to pull away from the murderer. Barry was still in awe of the man masked as his childhood hero, who apparently had been masquerading as Wells for years. Somehow Barry was unwilling to fully untangle himself from within the neatly spun web of his nemesis, his complete withdrawal would have tipped Eobard off. Barry told himself that he would fight in a battle of wits and he would have to plan for the day of his own revenge. Eobard wouldn't get away with his twisted plot, not unscathed. Barry wanted to hurt the other man and make him feel unbearable pain.

Barry had swiftly delved deeper into their twisted relationship and began to play the game Eobard had begun some fifteen years ago. For weeks Barry had knowingly placed himself in the eager hands of his reverse. His heart raced as he taunted and thought of ways to outsmart the other man, pushing to see how far he could go before he was discovered. But he just pulled himself in further, increased the hold Eobard had on Barry's heart. Barry found he would never resent Eobard completely, he was doomed by his complicated medley of emotions.

Of course, in the end Eddie was the one who beat them both, sacrificing himself to destroy the Thawne family line. Or so it was assumed when Eobard had vanished from this world. It hurt more to lose the man than he imagined. But he wasn’t gone long.

_I can’t let him win; I won’t let this be my future. He will not control me, he won’t take this away from me ever again._

Over time Barry had discovered that Eobard Thawne somehow still persisted; that the murderer had managed to survive across the timeline. A remnant of the man Barry had despised, a man who knew nothing of the time they had shared at STAR Labs. A man with a different face, body and mind, an enigma. His existence was enough though, it didn't matter that the history they had as mentor and protégé was gone, they still had the history they were destined to make. Barry learned that time is malleable, and some things will always come to be. The timeline will find ways to balance itself out. Therefore, it shouldn't have been such a surprise that in order to live out his life and for the world to survive, Barry’s fantasy world would not be allowed to remain. His nemesis had to once again take away what Barry so desperately wanted. Barry had to let the man forge their destiny with the single plunge of a blade.

_I need you to kill my mother._

_With pleasure._

_I hate you._

_And I hate you. But I sometimes wonder which of us is right._

Rain slides down the slope of the young man’s nose, eyelashes thick with tears are washed clean by the steady drip of water. Blood trickles pink down his bloody lip and across his chin. Barry shudders violently as he struggles to stand up, and he cries out in pain as several wounds are jarred in the movement. Breathing heavily he manages to stagger onto unsteady feet.

_God, I wish I could kill you._

Swaying, Barry begins to walk down Franklin. Closed down businesses and broken streetlights convert to bright and bustling streets filled to the brim with Central City’s diverse populous. Walking without purpose Barry uncaringly shoulders through the vast crowds on the streets. Barry shoves several men to the ground as the night wears on, their protests follow him unheard. He could care less about the inconvenience, he doesn‘t feel like he can care for much of anything. The only thing that registers is their uncanny resemblances to the true face of Eobard Thawne, the striking eyes and strong jaw line, the wide set of shoulders, the dirty blonde hair.

Thunder rolls overhead and lightning bursts wickedly through the clouds. Large groups of people begin to scatter into the safety of various restaurants and boutique shops. The sidewalk empties to only a handful of stragglers braving the ongoing storm.

Something catches his attention.

A woman in her mid thirties runs by, her vibrant red hair sticking wetly to her face. Barry can’t look away as she goes by. She reminds him of his mother, the woman he just had murdered once more. He can still see the knife plunged deeply into her chest, the dawning realization that she wasn’t going to be saved from imminent death. Barry had watched for Eobard’s expression, his mouth grim with bitter determination. And then all Barry could see was the blood, and the slackening of his mothers face as she died on the floor in their living room.

Tears intermix with rain, and Barry wants to chase after ghosts. He wants to return to his other life. The running woman passes by a dark haired man holding a navy blue umbrella, someone Barry recognizes instantly.

Why the hell was Harry Wells roaming the streets of Central City?

Barry ducks into an alleyway, heart hammering like a freight train in his chest. Fingers clench frantically at the hem of his soaked shirt, as he paces back and forth in agitation and worry. Harry shouldn’t be out in public, how would people react to a dead man walking the streets? Barry takes a peek from the side of the building and spots Harry marching purposefully down the sidewalk. The man is dressed in black slacks and a black long sleeve shirt. Watching carefully he looks to see if he may have been noticed. He can’t be sure since he cannot see the older man’s eyes through the imposing shade of the umbrella. He hopes desperately that he hadn’t been spotted.

Why was Harry back on Earth-1? He had gone back to his home world with Jessie, so why had he come back to this earth so quickly? Was something wrong?

Harry had to go back to the labs before he was recognized. Barry couldn’t let anything happen to him. But he wasn’t quite ready to see anyone from STAR labs yet, hell he wasn’t ready to see his own family yet. Barry just wanted to get away from everyone, and he could. He just had to run away. If he went now he could escape his worries for just a little while. Tempted, he begins to creep down the alleyway.

_I didn’t know that you were a coward, Allen._

Barry stops after several steps and sighs.

Harry’s safety was more important at the moment. He didn’t do anything on this earth, didn’t deserve the repercussions of capture because of Eobard’s stamp across the city. This man’s life wouldn’t be sullied any further, not if Barry had any say. He turns around and edges closer to the entrance leading back to the street. Now pressed against the side of the building, his hands twitch in dazed anticipation. He just needs to grab Harry and drop him off at STAR Labs. Easy.

Ducking his head down, Barry charges out of the alley in a rush. Fat drops of rain slap the top of the tightly gripped umbrella held by the older man. The increasing crescendo is enough to mask his quickly approaching footfalls.

_Together we can do amazing things, Barry. You just need to give in._

A man on a mission, Barry runs into a grim faced Harry Wells. The other man doesn’t notice him in time as their shoulders knock painfully together. Harry staggers back uneasily as Barry pushes him back a few steps. The umbrella drops into a puddle as Harry is caught off guard. Before the other man can put up a real fight, Barry takes hold of the man’s bicep and quickly pulls him into the safety of the alleyway.

“What the hell are you doing? Let go of me.” Harry begins to struggle in earnest as he’s dragged deeper into the darkness. Muttering darkly under his breath and grunting in protest, the man attempts to pull his arm away. Barry only squeezes the firm bicep harder as he attempts to lead the man into a safer location. Harry can’t afford to be noticed, too many questions will be asked if a possible dead man was found. Voice still raw from his explosive outburst, Barry urges the other man to quiet down.

“Come on, we’ve got to get out of here.”

Harry digs his shoes into the concrete and grunts angrily as he is forced to keep skidding forward. Strong fingers try to pry Barry’s hand away, and it isn’t until he feels the man shaking that he belatedly notices that Harry is coiling backward with seething rage. Confused he turns back to the man, his face hidden by shadow. Barry’s mouth opens but before he can say anything Harry growls roughly through clenched teeth, “Get your grubby ass hands off me.” Not a second later a fist is flying towards Barry‘s face. Caught off guard at his friends sudden show of violence, the fist strikes him across the mouth. Barry lets go of Harry quickly and backs away, his face on fire. Dazed by the unexpected pain, it takes him a moment to realize his lip had been busted open. Tentatively Barry brushes two fingers across his bloody lips, the faint sting grounds him and pulls him back to reality.

Harry is making a break for the mouth of the alleyway.

Momentarily forgetting the throbbing across his split lip, Barry speeds his way in front of his startled friend and outstretches his arms pleadingly, “It’s okay, Harry! It is only me.” Harry appears completely wild as a raw snarl stretches across his lips. Before the man can say anything scathing, Barry exclaims loudly, “Stop, Harry!”

Thunder booms loudly overhead, and then there is a beat of silence. In the poor lighting of the alley Barry watches as blue eyes widen and Harry’s full mouth parts in surprise. The man goes still in confusion before he uncertainly spits out, “Is that you, Barry? Where the hell have you been? We‘ve been looking all over the city for you!” A chill creeps up Barry’s spine as Harry looks him up and down as if he is trying to reassure himself that it is indeed the speedster. Staring back at the older man carefully, he isn’t yet comprehending the severity of his worry. He only can see the face of his old mentor, his enemy. He shouldn’t have done this while he was still vulnerable, while he is still trying to understand why Eobard had to take his mother from him once more.

“Barry?”

Time slows and he watches, fascinated, as the rain water curls slowly down the side of the man’s forehead, down ruddy cheeks and across his slowly moving chapped lips. Harry is drenched, his flattened down hair a mussed wreck. His signature work clothes are soaked through and fit him like a second skin. Heart beating a mile a minute, Barry’s insides twist painfully. _**This is Harry, not Eobard.**_ Barry wants to curl into himself and cry once more suddenly. Why did he think that he could do this again? Even with time slowed down he can hear the raising of Harry’s voice, see the widening of his eyes. The fear and unease buried under the skin.

“Are you listening?”

It’s only Harry, the man who had proven himself several times over. This man was his friend, not that monster that he had just released back into the timeline. Harry isn’t his mothers killer, he is a good man. **_They are nothing alike, so don’t…_**

“Barry!”

It’s just like that night. It shouldn’t trigger anything, but the way Harry bellows out Barry’s name makes him remember something he thought he had successfully locked away. Unintentionally, the older man reminded him of another rainy night which was spent in company with the disguised Eobard Thawne, a night of passion. Reminds him of the suffocating pressure of longing being eased from him with just a single touch.

_Dr. Wells, I want you to kiss me._

It makes him think about the nights spent leisurely fucking himself into the other man. How Eobard had held onto him tightly as Harrison Wells, and whispered dark promises into his ear. How Barry thought he was making love to someone who actually cared for him. How he thought he could love the other man as much as he loved Iris.

_Please, please don’t stop._

Reminds him of the months spent in denial due to Eobard’s betrayal, the continuous battle to contain his tears in the early morning hours as he cries the man’s name into his pillow as he cums into his hand. His surprise at seeing Eobard’s remnant in the timeline.

_Oh, you’re good. But, who are you really?_

The way his stomach clenched at the roguish smile of the real Eobard Thawne. How it didn’t matter that he hated the other speedster, or that the man was a killer.

_We’ll call it Flashpoint._

If only he had known then, what he knows now. Why hadn’t he realize sooner that he was being drawn to the spiders web?  
  
_I’ve wanted you for so long, tell me that you want this too._

“Are you alright?”

“No.” _**I’m really not okay.**_

Blinking rapidly, Barry forcefully banishes the stem of memories away. Time speeds to real-time as Harry viciously repeats his early query, “Obviously you’re not fine, but we‘ll get back to that. Tell me where you‘ve been.” Looking away from probing eyes, Barry shrugs his shoulders as he grudging replies, “I’ve had a lot on my mind, and I thought it would be best to get away for a few hours. Is there an emergency at the lab? You came back rather quickly.”

“Get away for a few hours? Are you completely clueless? Really, this is just great.”

“I-”

“Nope. Do us both a favor and stop where you’re at.”

Shaking his head in obvious frustration, Harry steps closer. His face comes into better focus as a bright line of light falls across his tightened expression. Grimly he begins to speak once more, “You are kidding me, right? You didn‘t just leave for a little stroll around the town for a couple hours. No one has been able to get a hold of you since I was sent back home with Jessie. Cisco dragged me back nearly a week ago after you had failed to answer over a dozen of his calls. So I’ll ask again, Barry. Where were you?” Hot breath strokes his face as Harry crowds in close and pushes his finger forcefully against Barry’s wet chest with every word.

_Where were you when we needed you most? Why did you leave us?_

“No, no, no. You‘re wrong, I haven‘t been gone that long.”

“You have.”

Another roll of thunder roars overhead, and more lightning flickers within the darkness. The storm is slowly coming to a close. Taking a step away and crossing his arms self consciously over his soaked shirt, Barry tries to distance himself from Harry as he begins to panic. _**This can’t be right.**_ Harry follows him closely, the man purposely in his personal space. The older man’s fingers twitch at his side, and his shoulders tense up with every step Barry takes away, as if he will make a run for it, and maybe Harry is right. **_Maybe I will._**

Keeping his eyes trained to Barry’s, Harry hesitantly grabs a hold of his left shoulder when he begins to pull away too far. Barry helplessly attempts to steady himself as he gazes into night shadowed eyes. Weakly he finds his voice, “I‘ve been gone a week? Not possible, that isn‘t what he told me. It wasn‘t a part of the deal.” Harry glares at his answer, and his lips curl into a frown. Barry can feel blunt fingernails digging into his flesh, can feel the fire of the mans touch. It reminds him so much of Eobard that it hurts.

_It seems that you owe me for this, Barry._

_You killed my mother! Why would I do anything for you when you’ve destroyed everything I care for?_

_You shouldn't have tried to stop me to begin with! You should have left the timeline alone._

_Just like you did when you ruined my life?_

_Am I the only one who can see what a disaster that little fantasy land was? This might come as a surprise, but you already ruined my life once. I’m not going to let you do it again. One day you will take away the only thing that has ever been important to me._

_What are you even talking about? You destroyed my life because of something I haven’t even done yet. What did I even do to you? How does any of this make things better in your own future? How does making me hate you help? How!? Can’t you just tell me what is going to happen?_

_You know I can’t do that._

_Why the hell not?_

_Because I can’t have it come true once more._

“Barry, you need to answer me. What is this talk about a deal? You‘re not making sense.”

Barry’s eyes flicker down the space between them, his heart thudding. His arms are slack and his knees feel weak. It had only been a few hours since Eobard had left Barry at his own doorstep. It should be the same day of his initial departure in order to avoid time discrepancies. Not unless he had been mistakenly dropped off into the future. But that wouldn’t make sense, Eobard wouldn’t make that mistake, would he? **_What if it wasn’t a mistake?_**

Eobard’s voice echoes within his mind, the dark promise of consequence.

_Just wait for it, you will see what happens when you screw with the timeline._

“This isn’t right, something went wrong. I‘m not supposed to be here.”

Barry wants to puke. _**What did he do?**_

Eyebrows pinched in concern, it takes a moment for the man to gasp in dawning realization. Harry rattles off, “Barry, please tell me you didn’t go back into the past. Please tell me you didn’t change something.” Barry’s shoulder is throbbing. Weakly he tries to escape Harry’s white-knuckled grip. He just wants to crawl into a hole for allowing Eobard to get another foot over him. He let the man do as he pleased, hoping desperately that the timeline would be undisturbed. What if something was altered, what if Eobard took advantage of him once again. Of his glaringly obvious weaknesses.

Huffing out his mounting frustration, Harry pushes Barry away and creeps slowly towards the back of the alley. His black boots slosh through several puddles as he puts more distance between them. Barry stands stiffly in place, and feels like a fool. He may have put them all in jeopardy once again.

“What did you do this time? Who did you make a deal with?”

The cold rain slapping him across the face, Barry looks up towards the billow of clouds above. He doesn’t want to see the other man’s expression at what he was about to reveal. “I tried to save my mom, Harry. But the consequences were too great, so I had to…I had set the timeline right. And to do that I needed help from the one person who caused all of this to happen in the first place.”

Harry’s storms back to Barry and fists his shirt in a tight grip, stretching out the collar. His tone is venomous as he forces Barry against the hard alley wall as he hisses, “Son of a bitch! Have you gone completely mad, Barry!? Who- never mind, it’s obvious. You go back to save your mother, and you didn’t even bother killing the Reverse Flash? So what, did you have him locked away somewhere just in case the guy was conveniently needed. In case you found out how much you possibly fucked up? Which you obviously did since the timeline is back on course!”

Barry doesn‘t even bother to push the other man away as he viciously responds, “You know me! I’m not a murderer like he is, I just wanted to save my mother from him, Harry! How could I live with myself if I didn’t do anything to stop her from dying, from letting him take her from me? Would it have been better if I just let her die?”

“She is still dead now isn’t she, Barry? So what does that tell you? That there are some things you should just leave be, it doesn’t matter if you can change it or not. The past is the past, Barry!”

Something sinister clicks inside of Barry’s mind. Electricity crackles through his fingers as he throws Harry across the alley into a pile of garbage bags. Face red with fury and chest heaving with every breath, his resentment grows into a living thing. Barry cries out, “My mother isn’t something from the past that I can just forget!”

**_They really are nothing alike._** He watches as Harry unsteadily stands up with his head tilted down, but his stance alert. The older man not one to back down, continues on. “So, what was this deal you made with her murderer than? Was it worth it?”

“He was my only chance of getting back! I didn‘t have a choice!” Barry’s fingertips spark up once more, and before he knows what he is doing a bolt of lightning is thrown into the building behind Harry. Broken bits of concrete shower into the alley and mix into the drenched earth. When the blast of dust settles the older man finally looks up, his glasses hang broken from one ear and blood oozes from his wet temple. Barry forces himself to keep eye contact with Harry from across the dark alleyway even when all he can register is the blatant disappointment. The anger melts away into melancholy as he regrets his outburst.

_We are just alike, you see it now don’t you?_

Shaking, Harry pulls his busted glasses off of his face and tosses them onto the concrete. His foot comes down to finish the job. Staring at the broken frames, his face quickly turns dispassionate and his shields are quickly reconstructed. The contents from several bags of garbage littering the ground crunch underfoot as Harry turns away, his voice warning Barry away. “You had a choice though, didn’t you. You wouldn’t have needed him if you just listened for once. What do you even have us around for if you won’t even bother to listen to our advice? Are you going to change the past every time something gets hard, or tragedy strikes? Is nothing we do important.”

Barry raises his hand out pleadingly, his throat clenching painfully as he tries to reassure the older man. To convince himself. “No, that isn’t wha-”  
  
“Shut up.”

Face unchanged Harry looks back to Barry, his hands curled into fists at his sides. “Are none of us worth stick around for, are none of the sacrifices we made worth anything to you? What have we all been fighting for this whole time if you were only going to change everything anyway? We all care about you, and yet you keep running away from us. You have been missing for days, and now I just learned that you’ve been messing with the past despite its dangers. On top of that, you now seem to owe the Reverse Flash for saving your sorry hide. How many times do Cisco or I have to tell you that you can‘t do this.”  
  
“I’m sorry, Harry.” Barry breathes out. **_I know that I made a mistake._**

“Is that all you have to say? God, you‘re so selfish!” Harry forcefully kicks down a nearby garbage can. Its contents sluggishly rolling from its confines. Eyes hard and voice gruff, Harry idly demands, “Take me back to STAR labs. I think we‘re done here.”

Barry takes a long look at the older man before finally complying. Lifting the other man into his arms he takes off into the rainy night leaving the alleyway behind. He will deal with whatever problems arise between them later, he’ll try to fix all of this.

A streak of yellow lightning races through Central City.


	2. The Road Home

Adrenalin pumping, Barry Allen speeds through the rain drenched streets of Central City. Golden flickers of electricity lap sensually against the wet concrete right underfoot the speedster. Barry weaves easily through the crowded stretch of vehicle congested roadways leading to STAR Labs. Held securely to his chest is the shivering form of Earth-2’s very own Harrison Wells. The man’s grip is tight on Barry’s shoulder, almost punishing. It makes him feel alive, makes him forget the past few hours of his life.

_Tell me how it feels, Barry._

_Tell you what?_

_How it feels to fall in love._

Harry feels heavy wrapped in Barry’s arms, an insistent weight pulling him down. The man had drained him with every bitten off word as they had argued in the alleyway, yet Barry was quickly growing energized from the tense aftermath. He had wanted to run away and escape the hostility in Harry’s eyes, he had wanted to escape the weight of his own mistakes being thrown back to his face. However, Harry hadn’t been willing to let Barry avoid his heated judgment. And god did that feel good suddenly, to be held accountable for something in his crazy life.

_I wasn’t sure if it was really true, but now I know the truth._

_What are you talking about?_

_That you were just using me, that you never felt anything. That nothing you said was real. How you don’t even love me._

_All of it was real, Barry. Even the love._

Fighting with Harry made him both uncomfortable and irrational, it reminded him of the trust issues that they still had with one another. How Barry was still slightly uneasy with believing the older man after the numerous lies that Harry had uttered during the past few months. Harry constantly omitted information about his life, and it came to a point that even when his hand was forced to tell the truth it was hard to believe.

_Why do you keep lying to me, Thawne?_

_Like you are so innocent, you are the most cunning liar I know._

The truth didn’t matter much to Barry when he had discovered Harry was being threatened into working for Zoom, or that the older man had a daughter being held captive. It didn’t make a difference finding that Jesse had been taken from her father several months ago and that she was being used as both bait and collateral against the team. It didn’t even matter that Harry had come clean and spilled the beans after enough had become enough. The fact is that Harry was a liar, and that stung Barry deeply. It was Eobard all over again.

Barry had been sick of being taken advantage of for his kindness and his unwavering trust, he was tired of thinking that every Harrison Wells must be some manipulative bastard. It still hurt to think that Harry had been using them just like Eobard had been for much of his duration working inside of the Labs.

Of course since that time, Harry had shown what kind of person he really is and had earned the teams respect. He had been earning back Barry’s respect, and Barry liked to think that he had been gaining back Harry’s. However now it appeared that with every step Harry took forward, Barry had taken two steps back.

Unwilling to fall for more potential devastation, Barry recently began to lie to the bespectacled man more often once the truth of Jesse’s abduction came in to light. It became a necessity to distance himself, and Harry definitely noticed. They began to push each other further away, neither of them seemed to find themselves fully trusting the other. Why should he trust Harry, how is he different?

_‘He isn’t the bad guy, Barry.’_

_‘It is like the Reverse Flash all over again. When does it end?’_

Somehow even after all of the heart wrenching pain of his future being stolen from him, Barry found himself telling Harry more of the truth than he would have normally been willing to offer. Harry had an unsettling power over him, and Barry had been unwilling to evade his stormy gaze. Weakened by loss he had gone against his continuous habits of pushing Harry away. Barry let the older man see a glimpse of the selfish man everyone called a hero. He did this when all he wanted to do was feed Harry more lies in order to protect himself. Barry could have walked away and left the man to search the streets for him.

_How can you say you love me after all of this?_

So it shouldn’t have surprised him that Harry would become furious at just the thought of Barry trying to change everyone’s future. Of course the man would quickly point out how outrageous it was to change the timeline, how desperate Barry was to have his enemy close. The seething stare Harry had given him was nauseating. It reminded Barry of the first time Eobard had shown his disappointment at the speedsters hasty decision making, how belittled and furious he had felt at his reverses every word. How disappointed Barry felt at himself when he was proven to be wrong. It felt like Eobard’s harsh judgment and anger at Barry’s every screw-up and mistake, reminded him of the look in Eobard’s eye when Barry put himself in constant danger.

Eobard and Harry had a lot of things in common it seemed, and that in itself was going to be a pressing problem. Barry shouldn’t have been so taken by the fury and worry, shouldn’t have been riveted by Harry’s contempt at the very idea that he had almost erased all of their work together. That everything they did was for nothing, or rather that it apparently meant nothing. That Harry meant nothing in the long run of things, none of them did. But it wasn’t the truth, they all meant something.

Now Barry was feeling troubled, he didn’t want to show Harry his growing guilt, his pain of failing his mother once again. How he failed the team, his loved ones, himself. Harry had already been dealing with Barry’s disappearance, so it wouldn’t do to foolishly antagonize him. No, he wouldn’t show any of his weakness to the older man. He wasn’t allowed this weakness to grow and fester. This time Barry had betrayed them all, and he wasn’t sure if he could ever make it up.

**_Will he ever forgive me?_ **

He could understand the man’s frustration at the turn of events, he understood how selfish his actions were and how Harry had every right to be furious. How everyone in the team would feel betrayed. But if Barry were given a chance to change things again, he isn’t sure if he would be able to hold himself back from trying once more to change the past. Barry’s mouth tingles as his split lip rapidly heals itself. The feeling reminds him of the soft touch of Iris’s lips pressed against his own. He breathes in deeply as the swell of warmth at the memory eases easily into his thoughts. But then his heart clenches painfully at having betrayed her love. The temptations were too great, and he constantly thought of what his life would be like if only he were normal. He would always want to go back in time to save his mother from Eobard, to save his father from the fate of being murdered by Zoom. If he was given the chance to save his family once more, Barry was unsure if he could keep himself from betraying everyone he loved once more. **_Why can’t I control myself, why do I do this? Do I care so little for what I have now?_**

_Look at you. You’re just as selfish as how I remember you. It’s amazing how much you can get away with even now._

Barry flickers his gaze away from the road ahead for a moment his eyes traveling across the older man’s upturned face. Harry’s eyes are scrunched closed and his lips are in a tight line of aggravation. Barry can feel the tension curled around the other man, can feel the way the man tries to hold himself together through the remnants of his rage. He can still feel the bitterness behind the man’s last spoken words, and he finds himself imagining that he can hear the venom of the unspoken words spiraling in the brilliant man’s mind as they race across the city.

_You are something else, you know that?_

The heat of Harry’s body worms its way through the wet layers of clothing between them. Barry clutches the older man closer.

_I haven’t felt this way in years. I guess that you bring out the best in me, Barry._

The anger isn’t enough to stop Barry’s twisted hunger from manifesting. Realizing he wants the other man despite or perhaps because of their argument, he pushes himself to run faster to their destination. He needs to step away from the complication held in his arms. **_This isn’t Eobard, this isn’t the man you held close. This isn’t the same man who lied to you day after day. Sure, Harry had also been a liar, but it wasn’t the same. He isn’t the same person. Just give it up, there is nothing for you here._** Barry wants to forget everything that has happened, be naïve to the facts of his numerous problems. He wants to lose himself in someone else’s touch, he wants to forget that Eobard was a murderer. That his mother and father were once again lost to him. He wants to go back to his days of thinking that his mentor was a good man. Barry doesn’t want Iris to see him like this, not when she is willing to finally give him her love.

Barry needs to get away from the possible disappointment of Harry Wells.

_I’ve been thinking about us, how we just seem to work. Do you think that this could last?_

Barry feels the rapid heartbeat of the other man increase as they rush faster and faster through the city, can smell the heat from the man’s skin as he begins to sweat. Barry can’t wait to get away, he needs to put space between them. His escape is now only a handful of seconds away.

Three seconds, two, one…  
  
Speeding through the inside of STAR Labs, Barry takes a moment to school his conflicted features. Barry swiftly sets Harry into the middle of one of the sparsely equipped workrooms. A chill creeps up Barry’s spine as the other man’s warmth creeps away, and he crosses his arms to recirculate some feeling back into them almost as soon as they separate. Harry seems to take notice, his body turning abruptly and his feet already moving him towards the entrance door. He picks out one of the lab jackets hanging off of the side of the door and raises it in offering. Barry drops his arms and warily approaches. With his eyes averted, he takes the jacket and stares at it a moment before he actually slides it on over his own wet clothing. It will have to do for now.

“Thanks, Harry.” He means it, but it still sounds weak.

Finally looking into Harry’s blue eyes, he internally flinches at the steel of the others gaze. The older man looks both tired and agitated, and blood is still slowly oozing from his head wound. **_I did that. I hurt Harry._** Barry isn’t sure he looks much better after the wear and tear he had been through over the night, but he can really see it really had taken a toll on the man being thrown across the alley and being chilled to the bone by the rain. Barry’s fingers twitch as he holds himself back from grabbing something to stop the bleeding or grabbing Harry something else to wear. If Harry had wanted help he would have asked.

Harry seems to be watching him carefully, his eyes narrowed and his lips pressed into a tight line. The silence between them grows uncomfortable before his mouth opens, however before Harry has a chance to say anything, Barry stiffly intervenes.

“I should probably go. We can talk about this later, yeah?”

Harry nods silently, his expression only tightening up further as he makes a swift exit. Barry waits until he can no longer hear the man walking down the corridor before he breathes again. He really messed up. The other man was obviously agitated, and Barry was unsure how long it would be before the older man decided to corner him and bring his mistake back up. He just hoped it wasn’t too soon.

Pulling at the thick fabric of the lab coat, Barry redirects his thoughts. He really needed to change out of these clothes. He needed time to think, time to try and forget the deal, to forget the blood, to figure out where the past week had gone. He just needed to think.

_How about we make a deal Flash? Quid pro quo._

Barry flashes out of the room and outside of the building, the only destination in mind was home. He had a long few days ahead of him.


End file.
